Archive for February, 2008

it is not a secret

Susah utk bercerita kali ini…kurang pasti perasaan sebenar chesu…but then,I promised ajah to actually update my blog upon responding to her questions….thx ajah 4 the concern…I noe that my army or frens will always be near me,comforting me,thus supporting me in every direction in my life…thx a lot…

It was never my intention not to share any good news with everyone…it was not meant to be a secret…hence,it is a reason to celebrate…deep down my heart, I did not feel good about it..and I decided to wait,as what recommended by dr norraihan,the ginea…

Feb 18,my husband accompanied me for a thorough check up with the ginae…it was already 16 days delayed from my normal menses. We bought the pregnancy test kit to use at home. We were confuse of the result,its kinda blurry…it is not really –ve nor its not really +ve…it’s in between…Together with that I have a very bad back pain that constantly comes and goes…Each and everytime I were about to go to bed,farihan will apply the minyak mestika so that I feel at ease…for a while..Other than than, I did not display any signs..yes,the headache and the early breakfast was a must before I pray subuh…

The first consultation was basically on when was my last period…and things related to it…from the date,the doctor said it should be around 8 weeks….the procedures that followed was scanning..but she said,she cannot see the “baby”…as a result she insisted on having the next procedure…TVS…transvagina procedure…I was shocked to undergo this procedure..i was not expect all of this to be done on me….I was close to tears….still,she couldn’t locate the “baby”…another procedures followed to ensure that I did not feel pain to their respective action…It did not stop there. My urine sample was taken so that they can test again..this time its –ve…I hope that was the last step…No it was not. My blood sample was taken to the lab to monitor the HCQ hormone…the HCQ hormone is produced by the baby( if there is)..and it is the most accurate indicator to any pregnancy case…

The next 2 days,I got called from my husband. He said that I need to go to hospital again for another check up. The blood test the other day showed that HCQ hormone was 156. A baby is on the day…I went to see dr norraihan. She is a very warm person and very close to my husband. As a result, I skipped the q and straighaway heading to her room..hehe…She said that she wanted the procedures to be repeated on me.I did not like this. Acting as the obedient patient, I went thru the same procedures again,with the presence of my husband. Throughout the process dr noraihan brief us on the things that we suppose to see on the monitor…it is nowhere to locate…she listed 3 big possibilities that could happen to me :

1. It is an early pregnany (HCQ hormone less than 2000 will make the baby invisible on the monitor)
2. It is a failing pregnancy.
3. It is an ectopic pregnancy. (due to my backpain)

My jaw dropped. I was trembled. I can’t utter any word. My husband remained composed. I burst into tears when I was alone at home. I was scared.I was scared for no.3….I wanted a baby but in a normal way…in a normal stage of pregnancy…

The following day until feb 25 required me to report to the hospital…to dr noraihan. My blood sample was taken every day to monitor the HCQ level. She wanted to see the trend,whether it is increasing or decreasing. Up to feb 22, the trend was increasing. It was interpreted that I was having the early stage of pregnancy. I did not know how to react. I refused to break the news even to mama until the HCG hormone reach 2000 and she can locate the baby INSIDE my uterus . Constantly my hubby and I pray for the best. My last blood sample was taken on feb 25. I got the result today. It is decreasing. Dr noraihan said that it is a failing pregnancy…and still it could be failing ectopic. So frens, I guess u understand what does it mean?… I’ll be visiting dr noraihan again this Thursday for god knows what….

Dear frens,Thanks a lot for the comforting words. I am all rite. I have been praying to God to give us a baby at the right time in our life. I believe than now is not the right time. I have to stay focus on my studies. God knows it is hard for me to juggle between my books,my husband and a baby…..for the moment, I just cant wait to see my frens to deliver their babies this year!!!!!!!!!…i’ll join u guys later k!!!!!


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ELECTION!!!lets vote

march 8-Hari yg ditunggu-tunggu…..bertuah kerana kali ini farihan n che su akan balik kg utk mengundi….memangkah utk menentukan masa depan sebuah kerajaan utk tempoh 5 thn mendatang….byk suara sumbang meragui ketelusan proses pilihanraya, terlalu byk desas desus…media massa dan elektronik sibuk mencanangkan segala bentuk info yg ternya digunakan utk memanifestasi sebuah parti yang nyata….tiada ruang sebenar utk mengetahui mana baik buruk segala parti yg bertanding…Cuma akal fikiran dan pemerhatian selama ini diharap ditajamkan…segala kelebihan kekurang perlu ditimbang timbang….bukan sekadar memangkah secara membuta tuli….

 Jika di zaman rasulullah,peperangan dan jihad adalah satu cara utk membentuk kerajaan…kita hanya perlu memangkah undi..itupun masih ada yg terkecuali..terlalu byk alasan untuk TIDAk…padahal,dengan satu undi mampu menentukan siapa menang dan siapa tumbang ….bagi kelompok ini, bersikap BERKECUALI adalah paling bijak sedang yg hakikinya…satu tindakan bebal dan angkuh…pilihanraya adalah satu penentuan masa depan….Jika parti X yang diundi Berjaya memerintah…dan parti X melakukan segala bentuk pembangunan,segala premis judi dan arak dihalalkan…segala kemungkaran didiamkan…maka sekalian PENGUNDI X akan turut sama memikul saham utk bersoal jawab dengan Allah taala…bukan hanya pemimpin PARTI X…justeru jika dengan satu undi parti X menang, maka golongan yang berkecuali tadi turut sama akan dipersoalkan…kerana mungkin dengan satu undi mereka parti X dapat dijatuhkan…

balik n mengundilah….

p/s: chesu tiada kene mengena dengan parti x atau y atau z…

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As I write this entry, the muddy clouds in my head jostle about, bumping into the walls of my nebulous brain. At least that’s how it feels right now. Flashes of lucidity shine through. But only flashes.

I have been down with a very bad case of the head cold combined with mild fever. The migrain attacks every now and then. An army of minyak angin, and paracetamol prescribed by the pharmacists are fighting the germs that have invaded my body. The battle rages on.

I wanted soooo badly to sleep..I am exhausted…but the system just refused to shut down to sleep….

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