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23 minggu yg lalu (I)

finally, after almost a year without any updates here..its hard to bring myself to talk about tat fateful day,but i’m afraid without proper documentation.. nawal n nashwa (my new baby) will not be able to retrieve the story about their JADDI,my hero,my first love,BABO..

2 malam farihan ke bintulu,fakhriyyah menemani di rumah…kami bentang toto dan tidur berjemaah di depan tv…fahriyyah dah 2 hr sakit kepala,so she decided to rest at home with me.

14 jun 2012,24 rejab Pukul 10 pagi,mama telefon…katanya “babo x sihat..babo lepas subuh tadi muntah..depan tv…babo x makan langsung..”. ..”hypo kot mama,mama dh bagi coklat? (gula-gula)… “dah…nnt tlg bgtau kak sal..mama kol kak sal x jawab.”…”kak,ado patient la tu mama,nnt nida kol,”… “mama,esk farihan amik cuti,nnt nida blk pg esok…dia kat bintulu ni..” “molek la gittu…”…so i texted my sis instead..expected, she was attending her pt at tat time..dan kebiasaannya,chesu terus menalipon kak na,my 2nd sister…pun tiada jawapan..

kebetlan,nuha bercuti.katanya nak mencari brg2 baby..chesu menawarkan diri utk bawak nuha mebeli brg2 baby…kami keluar ke pkns shah alam. pukul 2.30 mcm tu mama kol lagi.. “babo nampok x cekak (x larat) benar..oyak doh ko kak?..ni nk tanyo nk bowok g spita ko dop..kalu kak keccek nge dio,kotla babo nok g..” “dah mama,nnt nida blk esok neh mama..insya allah.”…

lepas tu chesu solat zohor,bawak nuha n fakhriyyah mkn kat teapot deli…tiba2 rasa sayu teriingat hasrat   nk belikan jubah utk babo dah lama di anggerik avenue..tp x beli2…dlm hati ada sedikit rasa ‘sempat ke babo pakai jubah kalau aku beli?’..jd chesu x beli,x masuk pun kedai tu…

lepas mkn trus balik ikut highway MEX…sampai kat rumah nuha around 6.30,nak tumpang solat…i parked my car…br sampai kat lobby flat rumah dia kak na talipon.. 

“kak na!byk kali chesu kol awk…chesu nk balik esok ..mama oyak babo x sihat.”…senyap… “balik esok? babo x dok doh..”..almost collapsed,i creamed “KAK NA TIPUUU!KAK NA TIPUUU…NIDA NAK BLK TGK BABO LAH…DIA X SIHAT…”..and slowly i heard her sobbing “babo x dop doh….maghi la balik!”..” KAK NA,NIDA NAK BALIK..NAK TGK BABO…NAK JUPO BABO…NK MITOK MAAF NGA BABO!!”…she ended her phone kol…terasa langit seakan runtuh..terasa gelap kelam seluruh penglihatan…terasa semua seakan mimpi…baru 2 minggu lepas chesu balik..chesu salam babo…babo senyum…tp chesu x peluk babo kuat2…chesu peluk gitu2 je sbb chesu sedih masa tu..ya allah…itu rupanya kali akhir chesu memeluk jasad babo…melihat senyum babo…melihat dalam2 dalam mata babo…semua itu datang serentak di dalam kotak ingatan…

.nuha dan fakhriyyah x jd naik…chesu dah duduk,nawal dah pucat tgk mama …i kol hubby ” babo dah x de…saya nak balik tgk babo!!!” farihan terdiam dan terkejut “baliklah,abg izinkan…cari tiket mana2,tlg beli ticket abg skali…abg mmg dh kat epot ni…insya allah sempat kalau beli ticket last flite mlm ni..” i gathered my strength, and tots.. “nuha,kak nida nak balik…nak mintak tlg nuha hantar ke airport…kak nida blk siapkan brg kita trus pegi yea?”…she just nodded and asked fakhriyyah to accompany me.. alhamdulillah rumah kami jaraknya 5 min saja..

sampai kat rumah,semua baju2 aku campak je kat ruang depan…dah x leh pk dah…i kol a few ppl,x berangkat…i kol irda.. “IRDA,BABO SY DAH X DEEEE….”..i cried so hard at that time…sbb dah tahu,dah blk,x leh nanges..kena kuat utk mama…i just update the news via twitter…and hubby updated the news thru his fb..

fakhriyyah tlg siapkan brg2…masukkan semua kain baju..kak sal telefon ..”NIDA,NIDA DUK MANO TU…KAK KOL X LEH…BABO X DOP DOHH..”…”KAKKKKK…NIDA NOK BALIK KAK….NIDA NK JUPO BABO…….for the very first time,i heard her sobbing “HO,NIDA BALIKLAH…KAK DUDUK SSIAP NOK BALIK JUGOK NIE..”…after tat, i cant accept anymoe phone calls….i just cant…bcoz its hard not to weep and sobb…the last one i talked to was AIE..

everyone went quiet in the car..byk panggilan talifon dr sahabat2…semuanya terpaksa diabaikan..bukan tak sudi..tapi itulah…suara di halkum,sakitnya ke seluruh dada…sampai sahaja di klia,berkejar ke pejabat jualan tiket mas…fahriyyah pun ikut sama balik..tiket semua yg chesu beli 4,fakhriyyah,farihan,chesu n nawal..kak pun msg dan memberitahu dia dah booking tiket mas sekeluarga.. berempat…pesawat yg sama…kemudian,razan (sepupu) meminta fahriyyah membelikan tiket utknya n mokcik yah (adik mama)..

8pm…lama solat maghrib di klia…antara mimpi n kenyataan…antara percaya dan tidak..panjang doa n tanges utk babo…kak na pula menalipon ..katanya dia akan menaiki pesawat yg sama.sekeluarga bersama bibik (7 orng)..

menunggu dan menunggu kelibat semua kakak2…x putus chesu bacakan qul huwallah utk babo…sesak dada…sakitnya hingga rs senak di perut…sorang demi sorang berkumpul..abe koji,along n anak2…kemudian kak sal sekeluarga…resah sekali memikirkn farihan…sempatkah dia mengejar waktu check in??…tp alhamdulillah, mobile check in memudahkan semua urusan kami…

“ya allah…hadiah hari lahirku esok kah ini?…hilang babo?…pergi babo dr kami…pergi babo menemuiMU…ya allah…tahukah babo aku syg padanya…ya allah…tlg sampaikan rindu syg aku pada babo…”…

bilamana kami semua selesai check in dan menunggu utk boarding,barulah kelihatan farihan mengah berjalan laju…tapi byg kak na n keluarga x sampai2…sehinggalah kami dipanggil masuk…usai kami duduk di seat masing2…ku lihat wajah2 anak saudaraku..mengah pucat berlari…kami sekadar melambaikan tgn…semuanya berbicara dalam hati….45 min penerbangan,membawa kami ke kg…lain sungguh rasanya kali ini…tiada yg menyambut dengan senyuman…chesu x mampu menggambarkan suasana di rumah nnt..

sampai sahaja di airport,3 buah kenderaan menunggu kami…sebuah van dan 2 buah kereta…kak na,abg yee,n anak2 beserta chesu,farihan n nawal laju memanjat van.kak sal n spupuku yg lain berpecah menaiki dua lagi kereta…perjalan ke labok,perlahan ku rasa…sepatah pun perkataan tidak kedengaran…senyap,hanya ada sendu yg masing2 sembunyikan….

sampai di rumah…12.30 mlm…ku lihat mama n kak aya berdiri di depan bilik utama…babo di bilik tamu,di kiriku…aku hanya mampu memeluk mama ketika itu…pasti mama yg plg berat menanggung rasa…aku peluk mama kemas “mamaaaaa…….” “babo x dop doh…babo x dop doh…”…kupeluk kemas kak aya,lamaaaaa kami berpelukan…sebelum ku salami mck zu,makcik gho n maksu nah… “sabar,babo pergi dlm keadaan plg indah..plg tenang n paling cantik wajahnya..jgn sedih..”…kata moksu nah,ibu saudara mama…

ku masuk perlahan-lahan ke bilik jenazah…nampak sekujur badan comel itu…kuning wajahnya…tenang sekali…kupegang kaki,ku sentuh mukanya…ku telek satu2…kening babo kusentuh..ku cium…mata babo kusentuh,kucium,hidung,mulut…pipi..ku cium semua nya…ku duduk…berperang dgn airmata,ku bacakan yaasin di sebelah babo…

di pintu bilik,ku lihat sepupuku..kakak ahlam n anaknya…anak saudara babo yg bermaustatutin d makkah yg pulang bercuti…sempat dia meneumui kholi (panggilannya pada babo) seminnggu sudah..usai yaasin,ku cium babo lagi…ada air mengalir dr hidungnya,kusapu dgn tisu..ku belek wajahnya penuh teliti…ku mahu semuanya terakam di kotak ingatan…nawal sudah lena bersama bibik…dia x mengerti apa2…apalah yg dia tahu?…tp chesu harap semua kenangan bersama jaddi akan dia ingati sampai bila2…

tamu silih berganti seinggalah 2.30 pg..kami menutup pintu utama…khabarnya ramai yg bermalam di masjid depan rumah utk solat jenazah esok pagi…9 pg jumaat..kami x berganjak dr bilik itu,sehinggalah azan subuh…sekelip mata pun chesu rasa sayang utk tidur…kerana itulah mlm terakhir babo di rumah kami…

 

 

 

 

 

Day 22 and kindy story

Its hard to keep a blog,i mean feeding it with updates when we have twitter,fb and instagram..
So far i have uploaded my #febphotoaday in instagram..tat explains why it stopped at day 3 here…haha
Nway,i purposely blog today to talk about nawal’s achievement..alhamdulliah,after going to her kindy 4 almost a week..she is now a brave girl…she fought her tears i saw tat with my very own eyes..she saw me walking out of her kindy and she waved goodbye..she did not say “no mama..jangan tinggal nawal” anymore..and im so proud of her..god knows the attachement tat we both shared…we are almost an item…the first 2 yrs my life revolved around her…and she didnt take any other milk but mine..alhamdulillah…only just recently i managed to wean her..and with nawal,all those petua2 didnt work…but reasoning and talking is the key..i told em why she has to stop,and also trying to divert her attention to something else…
As for tis week, i made her understand tat i will leave her at the kindy..and after work i will personally pick her up..and when i fetch her up the first line is ..”see nawal,mama is here to fetch u…i came here to take u home..mama is here now..” i ensure tat i will repeat it 3x…and alhamdulillah..the msg is clear and she handled it quite well!
Tats enuf 4 tis time..will bore u with a few pix!!!

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Day 4

The challenge 4 today is to share a stranger’s photo..since ayu n i had some biz to finish in nilai,so my victim is found here!hehe

During our lunch,i found a nice spot..with perfect timing n skill,tis is the result!

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Day 3-a delay post

I did not cheat!!!dont get me wrong..ive participated yest using my instagram but i forgot to upload tat here!!!
I’m still in the game!!!wehooo

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There you go!i even posted 2 photos..at first i just took a pix of nawal’s hand n mine ..but later i realised i shud have my hubby’s hands too..tats the reason why i chose to make way for tat pix taken right after our solemnization!

Pen off for now!need to find a stranger to post for today’s theme!

Feb,2nd

So now lets continue our mission in completing the feb challenge!!! Wats yours for WORDS?
Mine is taken frm thumblr..thx to mr google and i wish to wish and spread the positive words to all!!!
Lets always be positive and think big to continue living and serving allah!

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Feb,1st

Lets do something to add some colours to my dying blog..an ive decided to give febphotoaday a try!!!lets join tis peeps !

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And tis is my view today!!!

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first entry for 2012

i swear i did post one entry 4 tis new yr…but i cant see any…argh!!!!….its been close to a month oredy since we embarked in year 2012…its almost necessary for evryone to renew their new yr resolutions…i have mine but tat one is not 4 me to share here..hiks

all i can say is…i really want to have a better yr tis yr as a muslim..i wanna b a better muslimah,a better doter,a better wife and mother..perhaps i also want to be a mother of 2…hiks…

btw,im sure some ppl have a good start tis yr..but some unfortunately have hiccups…and i found something really uplifting in my Fb shared by my friend..and i feel the urge to share tat with all of u…

so here it goes :

Ya اَللّهُ, mengapa wanita sering menangis?

JawabNYA: Kerana wanita itu unik.
AKU ciptakan ia sebagai makhluk istimewa,

AKU kuatkan bahunya untuk menjaga anak-anaknya,
AKU lembutkan hatinya untuk memberi rasa aman,
AKU kuatkan rahimnya untuk menyimpan benih manusia,
AKU teguhkan peribadinya untuk terus berjuang saat yang lain menyerah,
AKU beri dia naluri utk mencintai anak-anak dalam keadaan apapun,
AKU kuatkan batinnya untuk tetap menyayangi walau dikhianati oleh teman,walau disakiti oleh orang-orang yang ia sayangi

Wanita makhluk kuat, tapi jika satu saat dia menangis itu kerana AKU beri dia air mata utk membasuh luka batin dan memberi kekuatan baru. Terasa beruntung dan bersyukur menjadi Wanita ..

to all my lovely female readers..tis one is 4 u!!!

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